Crossover Alert: Philip Rivers Is A Padre

Philip threw out the first pitch in Monday's home opener against the Bravos.

By all accounts he airmailed the pitch high and wide of home plate.

No matter. If he'd been wearing pads with Kyle Blanks charging him from his blindside, the pitch would have been a down-the-middle strike.

6 x $92

Now I know who I'm rooting for in 2015.

Power Rankings For Fools

ESPN released their mid-May NFL Power Rankings today.

Here are their top 7 teams.

1. Stillers
2. Patsies
3. Gints
4. Iggles
5. Scrolts
6. Ravinians
7. BOLTS

What a load of horse puckey.

ESPN honestly thinks the Chargers are only the seventh best team in football? Is that some sort of joke?

Let's look at the teams ESPN thinks are better than the Bolts and see if they pass muster.

1. the Steelers: they won the Super Bowl and have most everybody back. They lost a deep-threat receiver and it'll be interesting to see if my boy Mendenhall is any good and if Ben Roethlisboober has any drive to win this season with the extra ring weighing him down, but generally I'm fine with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

2. the Patriots: Brady is back and they're good with Brady, but there are questions about his knee and some questions about the defensive secondary. I'm marginally okay with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

3. the Giants: They get Umeniyora back but Plax is gone. Just like Felipe Rios is better than Eli Manning, the Chargers are better than the Giants. I'm not okay with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

4. the Iggles: Everyone is fawning over their offensive pickups. Okay, so let's see them on the field before we blindly decide they're going to integrate seamlessly into the offense. Also, don't forget defensive genius Jim Johnson is taking a leave of absence. I'm not okay with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

5. the Colts: What a joke. How many times do the Chargers have to beat on these guys before people realize they aren't as good as the Bolts. They are working with an entirely new coaching staff and Peyton no longer has Marvin and Reggie in their primes. People can wish that Anthony Gonzalez is a fitting replacement for those beasts but he isn't. And their defense has a total of two good players both of whom are always injured. I'm not okay with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

6. the Ravens: I just vomited up my spaghetti dinner all over my sofa. Luckily my sofa is 8 years old and was free. The average age of the Ravens defense is 46 years old, they lost their defensive coordinator, they have a tougher schedule next season and Flacco is only entering his second - i.e. sophomore - season. They might win 8 games. Might. I'm not okay with them being ranked ahead of the Chargers.

So that's that. The Chargers are a top 3 team in the League at worst. Any opinion to the contrary is a foolish opinion.

I hope nobody at ESPN showed Shawne Merriman these rankings. He'd eat their head off.

I've got no more use for this witness.

Go Time: Part Two

Philip,

Last week you played a heckuva game - that 12 yard run on 3rd and 13 was epic - and led the Bolts to victory over the Colts.

Well, guess what?

We need another epic performance today.

In Pittsburgh a few months ago you had a rough game, throwing a couple picks and taking a safety that were key to the Stillers 11-10 victory. But that was then and this is now. The team is playing better, you are playing better. I have confidence that the D is going to play tough, that Sproles and Bennett will break a few big runs, that Mikey Scifres will pin the Steelers deep in their own territory a few times, that the O-Line will keep those pesky Stiller linebackers off your back, that Vincent and Antonio and Chris will make some clutch catches.

All you need to do is bring it all together.

Let's do this.

Best,
Bevormo

Time For A Big Game From Big Marcus

The Stillers have two of the best pass rushing OLBs in football. It's going to be paramount this Sunday that Marcus McNeil and my boy Jeromy Clary (not pictured) have monster games. Simply put, they'll have to block their butts off to keep those nasty OLBs out of Sproles' way and from putting Felipe Rios (Philip Rivers) on his back.

I for one think they can do the job.

Also, I highly encourage you to visit www.chargers.com and watch McNeil's Wednesday press conference. Just an outstanding interview with a funny guy. One of my favorite quotes: "The game's going to come down to which offense can handle the other team's defense the best." Also: "I'm gonna to try and keep my sleeves off this week. You know, you kinda get a little mo' jacked up when you play without sleeves and man through that weather."

Atta baby!

I'm Naming My First Child Sproles. Or Perhaps Scifres.

Nick Canepa called it the best NFL game ever in Mission Valley. That old coot has certainly been around long enough to be considered an expert so I'm not gonna disagree. The only game I can think of that comes close (considering only playoff games) is the win over the Dolphins in the '94 playoffs, but to get that win the Bolts needed Pete Stoyanovich to miss a 48-yard field goal as time expired. For this win they took the fight to the Colts, created a number of scoring opportunities, forced the Colts to play on a long field throughout the game and made big plays on key defensive downs.

Here are the plays that stand out, both the good and the bad:

- the opening offensive play for the Bolts where LT ran around right end for 13 yards;

- the Mathis sack on 3rd and 2 that ended that opening drive;

- every Mike Scifers punt starting from the first to the last where the ball miraculously landed on the two and bounced straight into the air, going out of bounds at the 1 yard line ... because of Scifres the Colts started possessions at their own 10, 19, 3, 7, 9 and 1;

- that 36-yard completion from Manning to Anthony Gonzalez where Gonzalez snaked up field;

- the big completion to Gates where Gates ran to the 10 and then turned and stiff armed the Colts defender;

- the Manning shady 72-yard pass to Reggie Wayne that caught Antonio Cromartie and the rest of the Bolts D sleeping;

- the beautiful Bolts drive from their own 20 that ended with Sproles fumbling the ball into the end zone for a Colts touchback ... this is when I took my glasses off, sat on the couch and rubbed my eyes, unable to look at the television;

- the gutsy 12-yard scamper on third down by Philip Rivers that set up a 4th and 1 sneak for a first down ... Rivers' dive along the sideline to try to get the first down epitomizes his toughness;

- the interception to the deep safety in the end zone on the very next play after getting a first down at the Colts' 32;

- the Dobbins' sack at the 1 yard line on 3rd and 2 after Manning double pumped ... Manning never saw Dobbins;

- Rivers' two passes to Gates over the middle on the game-tying drive;

- Kassim Osgood clapping that the coin toss came up tails;

- the defensive holding penalty on 3rd and 8 where the Colts' DB grabbed Chris Chambers and spun him around; and

- the Sproles run around left end for the game winning touchdown.

Bolts win 23-17.

Now on to Pittsburgh.

Go Time

Hey Philip,

You had the best season of any QB in football this year. I don't care what the MVP voters say.

Let's get r dun tonight.

Best,
Bevormo

That May Be The Season

I'm not even mad the Bolts lost yesterday to the Stillers. I'm upset, sure, because they could have won the game. But let's be honest, to have expected the Chargers to roll into the 'Burgh, a city they've never won in during the regular season, and beat the Stillers in a snowstorm, would have been courting complete fantasy. As a fan that's a game you put in the probable loss column and then root like heck for a surprise victory. The Bolts had a chance to deliver on that surprise but didn't get the job done, mostly due to a few great plays by Troy Polamalu (like the one pictured above) and a few extremely dicey plays by Phil Rivers.

What really gets my goat about yesterday was the Broncs' win in Atlanta. Are you kidding me? Really, Atlanta? You can't beat a gimpy Denver team on its fifth string running back on your home turf? Unacceptable. Same to you Cleveland for blowing that game last week. Just a disaster. There are many reasons why the Bolts likely aren't making the playoffs this season, but two of the biggest reasons may end up being the failures of Cleveland and Atlanta to win home games against the Broncos.